I'm on tour, I LOVE saying that, in Europe and after you picture me lounging in first class or being wined and dined by royalty and such or being served tea and pastries in my penthouse, suite allow me to give you the real story beneath the glamour…

I flew into Frankfurt, Germany to do a show in Heidelberg, about one hour from Frankfurt.  But the promoter of that event fled town with the entire budget so the event was canceled.  It was too late to change my ticket so I shacked up at a hotel next to the airport (I was able to get a refund on the room from the Agency) and cocooned it for 30 hours!  Fabulous actually as I have been working my buns off and needed to sleep.  Then I flew to Warsaw for Euro Pride.  I was so excited to be performing in Poland for the first time and to be there with my dear old friend Lady Bunny (did I mention old?), Amanda LePore, Daniel Nardicio, Go Go Harder, Matt, Julie Atlas Muz and mien Titten Schwester from Berlin, Gloria Viagra.  I love all these people.  Sadly, it was such a nightmare!  In the 18 years I've been doing drag it was one of the low points and not because Bunny had jet-lag gas but because it was the most unorganized event ever - and I didn't get paid!!  First they said the hotel was booked up and I would have to stay in some apartment.  I was like, "um, no".  So I booked my own room where Bunny and Amanda were, not full at all.  The gang arrived a few days before me and were already complaining about paying for their own taxis etc.  So the red flag was up!  I spent the day at the parade with Gloria.  This was an experience.  I forget sometimes how easy we really have it in NYC.  Our pride is more of a party.  Here it was political activism!  Dodging eggs and firecrackers, being sprayed with Holy Water (it was actually hot as hell so thank u) and maneuvering between the police who were trying to control the skinheads.  So kudos to the brave LGTB community in Warsaw and all those who came to support them.  I went back and got ready for the show.  When the Polish promoter came to pick me up I refused to leave until he paid for the room.  Diva, no!  Jewish, yes!  We drove quite a distance out of the center of town to this warehouse.  The band Betty was playing and they were great!  LOVE those gals.  There was a decent crowd but then most of them left.  The promoter kept saying, "Don't worry, we pre-sold 500 tickets!  It's going to be packed".  I was hanging out with this really sweet Polish drag queen in the dressing room who said, "No way.  No one is coming.  It's too far away and too expensive".  So what does a drop dead gorgeous professional drag queen do?  Booze it up!  At the peak there were about 30 people there who wanted a show and I was drunk and ready.  I asked for the microphone and they guy looked at me like I had asked for a plane ticket to Mars.  "Microphone????".  That's when we all split.  It's kind of my fault as I broke Rule #1 of International Prostitution - GET THE MONEY FIRST!

Luckily, I had a gorgeous time performing the next night at gmf in Berlin.  gmf is one of the longest running gay dance parties in Berlin run by my friends Bob and Mickey.  It was the first club I did a show at in Berlin in 1998 with Jackie Beat.  The roof top was open and performing up there in front of the Fernsehturm was breathtaking.  Gloria Viagra was DJing and so many Berlin queens were there.  It was packed and people were loving the Lady GaGa parodies.  But I guess my screeching was a bit too annoying as the police arrived just as I was finishing and turned off the sound.  It was quite a scandal as some old biddy threatened to sue for permanent ear damage (I was not that off key) and the venue owners were furious.  But the audience was happy, Bob and Mickey were thrilled and I GOT PAID!

I'm off to perform in Hamburg, Helsinki, The Atlantis Gay Cruise and then Amsterdam so much more to come… I hope to check out some local drag shows.

Meow!

I'm writing this week's article from Phoenix, Arizona where I am performing for the weekend.  It's 110 degrees!  Yes, 110!!!  I actually like the intense heat, it makes me feel alive.  But it is not really drag friendly weather.  As soon as I stepped out of my hotel room last night I almost fainted.  And when I got home I had to wring my tits out!  BUT - I am having the best time here!!  I live for the drag cavalcades you get at clubs outside of NYC.  Don't get me wrong, NYC drag is amazing and you really get performers who are at the top of their game.  But we don't have 2 hour shows with 3-4 queens giving you costume changes, etc.  And the queens here are so fun, nice and talented!!  Friday night I was a guest at Apollos. Barbra Seville is the host and the "lady" responsible for getting me out here.  She's super nice and when she came backstage before the show with a tray of shooters I knew we would be dear friends.  Barbra was electric onstage and hysterical on the microphone.  For the second set she did a spot on Bette Midler including a live monologue (not easy) and she nailed it.  Also on the bill was the sexy Sasha who turned out Katy Perry.  She's super thin (bitch) and actually performed in a bikini!  And then came Celia Putty!  I was gagging!  Celia was a well known drag entertainer but then took 10 years off and is now returning.  People must have missed her because this gal is over the top, out of her mind funny!  She did a Sarah Palin medley that mixed dialogue with songs.  When she whipped out a rifle and started singing Barracuda I fell on the floor.  Ok, I was bombed by then and fell on the floor.  But the point is she was killing me.  During the break (remember, it's a 2 hour drag show!) Celia was changing into her next costume.  When she wrapped a sweater around her head I said, "You are not doing Edie Beale?!?"  She just smiled.  She took the stage performing a song from Grey Gardens and mixed it with dialogue from the movie.  I was in heaven!!  (I'm writing this part the next day) Saturday night I performed at Forbidden Nightclub.  I was a bit worn out and the dry heat was getting to me. I felt like Shequida was following me around breathing on me!  But the crowd was so energetic and excited I rallied for the show.  Barbra was the host again and opened with a gorgeous rendition of Rio.  The other girls were Naomi, a beautiful lady who opened in a dress made out of strips of black sequin the size of band aids!  She was great and totally lovely.  And Maikala is on fire!  She has many titles (not a NYC thing but very important when everywhere else) and I could see why.  Dancing and burning up the stage.  Costumes galore.  A real show girl.  I loved her version of Roxie.  Thanks Phoenix!!

I hate to complain and never vent here but... I made a return appearance at Celebrities in Vancouver to celebrate their Canada Day.  There is a reason why I always insist on flying direct on show days.  For some reason I said they could get me the cheap ticket and what a nightmare!  I had a 6am flight (UGH!) so was already cranky from no sleep and coming off of a boozy night before at the Ritz.  I had a short stop in Detroit.  We are boarding the plane when they make an announcement that everyone had to deplane.  There was a mechanical problem and the flight was canceled.  No explanation, no directions, just get off.  Now there are 200 people RUNNING to the Help Center to be the first.  I got caught up in the frenzy and was running as fast as I could.  I must have looked like Bianca del Rio (minus the white eyeliner) trying to out run the border police.  When I got there there were already 100 people in line so I decided to call instead.  I was informed that I had already been redirected to Dallas and would arrive in Vancouver at 11pm!  Mind you it is 9am!  I lost it!!  I told them I was an international drag performer and had to be in Vancouver before 8pm or I would miss the show and thousands of people would be devastated.  She hung on me.  I called back and tried the "nice" approach and was redirected to Vancouver via Chicago and Minneapolis.  Yes, 4 flights to get there.  9 hours late!!  I was NOT happy.  As compensation they offered me 25 Delta dollars which means I could purchase headsets and half a coke.  But once I got there the promoters, Blue and James,  felt so bad for me that they really took care of me.  Limo rides to and from the airport and a GORGEOUS hotel room.  The show was crazy fun and was packed.  The hostess was this funny queen Joan E.  The next day I slept about 12 hours then had lunch with my dear friend Cotton.  Moral: fly direct!

A quick shout out to my Hero Of The Moment, Felicity Stardust!  She has been saving my life all week! We shot the Alejandro video parody and again, Felicity was on top of it.  Making props, helping me, assisting others - a real trooper and someone I can depend on so I want her to know how much I appreciate it!  Thanks bitch.

I was trying to think of what else to write about as most of my out of town gigs have been solo and I haven't seen any wig hoppers,  Then it hit me -duh!  I just saw Lady GaGa at Madison Square Garden.  Thierry Mugler was given 4 tickets but couldn't go so sent them to our friend Keith Dunhill who invited Joey Arias, Raven O and myself.  We had super hot seats - really the only way to see a big concert.  We were sitting there waiting when I got a text from Jon Jon Battles who was on the floor (K Hole? No, standing in front of the stage on the floor) saying, "Looks like a Bar d'O reunion".  I wrote back, "This is the row for middle aged drag queens".  His reply: "I think that's being kind".  Love her.  Anyhoo- Miss Fame Monster delivers 200%!!!  She was phenomenal!!!  Costumes galore, dancing, playing the harp, playing a keyboard guitar thing,  playing the piano with her boots!!  It really was spectacular. People can say what they want but I think she's the hottest thing since no glue press on fingernails.  I am a huge fan!!  My favorite moments were Speechless and Teeth.  AND she is the most outspoken supporter of the LGBT community.  No one else does that!  She has her old friends from the LES onstage with her, she spoke of her charity for homeless youth (many are LGBT) and made lots of comments about gay love!  Living for GaGa!!!

Check out my brand new video parody of Alejandro, YOU'RE A HOMO!

Next article from Europe!

I KNOW THAT YOU ARE SCARED AND I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE TO HIDE IN YOUR SECRET WORLD BUT I JUST CAN'T LET YOU GET AWAY WITH IT ANYMORE.  YOU'RE A HOMO

YOU LIKE YOUR SEX, IN PUBLIC TOILETS

SO NO ONE CAN SEE YOU, THEY CAN'T SEE YOU

OR AT THE PARK, IN THE BUSHES

BUT WHERE'S THAT WEDDING RING I SAW ON YOU

AND WHEN YOU VOTE AGAINST ME

FROM THE CAPITOL IN DC

CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU CREATE, A WORLD OF HATE

SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED, YOU'RE A HOMO

NO ONE TO BLAME, YOU'RE A HOMO

DON'T WANT NO MUFF, YOU LIKE THAT DICK

YOU ARE A LYING HYPOCRITE

SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED, YOU'RE A HOMO

YOU'RE A HOMO.  HONEY, YOU'RE A HOMO

PLEASE.  JUST STOP LYING. YOU'RE A HOMO.  JUST COME OUT!

YOU SAY I'M SICK, I'M JUST A SINNER

BUT I AM NOT THE ONE MOLESTING BOYS

AND ALL THOSE PEOPLE THAT YOU TORTURE

THEIR GHOSTS WILL FILL YOUR HEAD WITH DEAFENING NOISE

AND WHEN YOU USE RELIGION

AS A FRONT FOR OPPRESSION

CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU CREATE A WORLD OF HATE

CHORUS

THERE IS NO SHAME, YOU'RE A HOMO

NO ONE TO BLAME, YOU'RE A HOMO

LIFE'S JUST A GAME, YOU'RE A HOMO

I AM THE SAME, I'M A HOMO

THERE IS NO SHAME, I'M A HOMO

NO ONE TO BLAME, I'M A HOMO

SO SAY IT NOW, AND SAY IT LOUD

IT'S TIME TO LIVE OUT AND PROUD

I AM THE SAME, I'M A HOMO

July 16 - Squeezebox Berlin party in Heidelberg, Germany

July 17 - Euro Pride in Warsaw!  w/Daniel Nardicio, Lady Bunny, Go Go Harder, Gloria Viagra

July 18 - gmf in Berlin

July 23 - Squeezebox Berlin

July 25 - Gay Boat Cruise in Hamburg, Germany

July 28 - Squeezebox party in northern Germany (don't even know the name if the city tee hee!)

July 29 - Chantal's House of Shame in Berlin

July 31 - Hamburg Gay Pride

August 1 - Hercules Club in Helsinki

Aug 3- 7 - Atlantis Gay Cruise (Helsinki, Stockholm, Amsterdam)

Aug 7 - Fruitcake Party in Amsterdam

Saturday I flew from Orlando to Albany on a 6am flight -gag!!  But went directly to the hotel to take  a nap.  Oops - slept right thru sound check and woke up at 9pm!  Yikes!  Had to throw it together but luckily I only need a light powder and some lip gloss.  Isis Vermouth, crazy queen from Poughkeepsie who does the party at Rocks in Albany, picked me up.  I love that bitch.  She is funny but smart and a good time gal!  When we got to the club I was surprised by how many queens came out to perform.  Or in the case of IvanaDouche and Anita Morray, booze it up!  I fell in love with many wig wearers that night!  It was a tequila night -need I say more??  The first show featured a trio from Vermont called, House of LeMay.  I had heard of them because they do an annual charity event called Drag Ball.  Again, so nice.  People always want to believe that queens are bitchy, catty and territorial - but enough about Bianca del Rio - but I'm always blown away by how inviting they actually are.  LeMay do a big all live cabaret show with many favorites and originals.  Love them!  Also performing that night in the second set was Anna, Jizzabella and the sickest queen I have ever met - Shealita Baby!  If you are not familiar with Shealita youtube her NOW!  Absolutely twisted and politically incorrect!!  Love.